Sunday, August 13, 2017

Dare To Be Stupid

My sister noticed this house while driving through Ohio. She pulled over to take pictures for the amusement of everyone who passed the third grade. I doubt the owners of the house are reading this because they're obviously not big readers. On the off chance they are, I'd like to offer a piece of advice. You can't claim to be the superior race and misspell rebel at the same time. You just can't. To quote my roommate while watching the Charlottesville coverage, “I wouldn't be surprised if they misspelled KKK.”

My new favorite pastime is trolling Trump on Twitter. I know he's not reading my tweets, but it's still super satisfying to reply to his jackassery in real time. Not surprisingly, I sometimes receive angry responses from Trump supporters that have absolutely nothing to do with what I've written. Behold the following exchange from last week:

I was kind enough to remove the asshole's name even though he broadcast his name and stupidity on Twitter for all the world to see. Note the date. It was five days before Charlottesville. Twitter Asshole did save me some time by referring to the KKK as terrorists so I don't have to. Thanks, Twitter Asshole. As a general rule, I block people who send me pictures of burning crosses for no apparent reason. I will give Twitter Asshole a little credit. Very little. He is correct that the parties' stances on race and civil rights were once reversed. Republicans were originally the party of civil rights. Over a century ago. They've spent the last seventy years preying on the fears of racist people. Sorry, Twitter Asshole, you don't have the moral high ground here. And it's fucked up I have to tell a Trump supporter he doesn't have the moral high ground.

Naturally, Trump's response to the Charlottesville riot was stupid.

"We condemn in the strongest possible terms this egregious display of hatred, bigotry and violence, on many sides. On many sides. It's been going on for a long time in our country. Not Donald Trump, not Barack Obama. This has been going on for a long, long time."

I guess it was nice of him to take the blame off Obama, even though no one was blaming Obama. As a matter of fact, we got through eight years under the first African American president without a single Klan riot. Yet, six months of Trump and not only has the Klan taken to the streets with machine guns and pepper spray, they've done so without hiding their faces behind creepy hoods. Which is kind of a double edged sword. On one hand, it's really fucking freaky that Klan members aren't afraid to be exposed. On the other hand, we know who's in the fucking Klan. For decades, we had to kind of guess if someone was a Klan member and if we guessed wrong, it was awkward. Please excuse me while I write an open letter to the Klan.

Dear Ku Klux Klan,

I saw what you did and I know who you are. That's from a movie called I Saw What You Did.

Seriously, though, losing the sheets was an awesome move. That was a brazen act of arrogant ignorance befitting the president. Those of you who are employed will soon be losing your jobs.  I'm sure CPS will be coming to take your kids. Some of you may even lose your freedom.

You know that shit was on TV, right?

Trump can't save you.

Best Regards,
Donna Troy

Many people have been blaming Trump for the attack in Charlottesville. You know, because he's completely to blame for the attack in Charlottesville. Trump announced his candidacy for president by declaring Mexicans are rapists. That's the kind of rhetoric that really speaks to the heart of the average Klan member. 

A mere five months into his candidacy, he tweeted phony crime statistics from a non-existent agency.  And wouldn't you know those phony statistics say "the blacks" are killing everyone.  Those are the kind of phony numbers the Klan desperately want everyone to believe. They know it's not true.  I mean, if black people were murdering at such high rates, I think they would have killed off the Klan by now.

Trump appointed Jefferson Beauregard Sessions as attorney general. Jefferson Beauregard Sessions still had slaves working on his plantation until the early 1990s. That's not true, but it totally sounds like it is. And it sounds like it is because Jefferson Beauregard Sessions once referred to the NAACP as “un-American” and “communist-inspired.” That is true. Which reminds me, I need to write an open letter to Mitch McConnell.

Dear Mitch McConnell,

Remember when Elizabeth Warren was trying to read a letter by Coretta Scott King during Session's confirmation hearing and you were a total dick and cut her off?

Yeah, that's not going away any time soon. Good times.

Best Regards,
Donna Troy

Trump chose Stephen Miller as Senior Policy Adviser. Stephen Miller once accused Maya Angelou of “racial paranoia.” Please excuse me while I write an open letter to Stephen Miller.

Dear Stephen Miller,

You can tell us why the caged bird sings once you're in prison for treason with the rest of the deplorables.

Best Regards,
Donna Troy

Trump chose Steve Bannon as his Chief Strategist. Steve was head of Breitbart News, which proudly claims to be the voice of the alt right. The alt right is white supremacy under new management. Steve was responsible for such headlines as, “Would You Rather Your Child Had Feminism Or Cancer?” Please excuse me while I write an open letter to Steve Bannon.

Dear Steve Bannon,

Here's a headline for you, “Steve Bannon: Next On Trump's Chopping Block.”

Best Regards,
Donna Troy

In case anyone is still uncertain about Donald Trump's association with white supremacists, the Klan members were thoughtful enough to carry Trump signs, and wear Trump shirts and MAGA hats while they murdered a woman in cold blood.

Please excuse me while I write an open letter to Trump supporters.

Dear Trump Supporters,

Remember how you got all pissy when Hillary Clinton called you a basket of deplorables?

You've got nerve.

Best Regards,
Donna Troy

I could be rushing to judgment by blaming Trump's influence for the murder of an innocent woman. It could have been the Dukes of Hazzard. Think about it. The rally was in protest of the removal of a statue of Robert E. Lee. The killer mowed through a group of pedestrians in a Dodge Charger. The Dukes of Hazzard are known for their reckless driving in a Dodge Charger dubbed The General Lee. Just where were Tom Wopat and John Schneider during the time of the murder? Actually, Tom Wopat may be off the hook because he was arrested last week for groping some woman like he's the fucking president or something. And that's just a little bit more than the law will allow.

Although, I make a strong case for The Dukes of Hazzard, I think the case against Trump is still stronger. His own words show he doesn't give a shit. In the middle of all this, he sent out a tweet so bad, even by Trump standards, that a news anchor asked her producer to double check it came from Trump before reading it on air.

Please excuse me while I troll Trump on Twitter.


Namaste, Bitches


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