Sunday, February 28, 2016

A Special Place in Hell

Recently, people had all kinds of shit fits because Madeleine Albright said there's a special place in hell for women who don't support other women. As far as "The Sisterhood" goes, there are a lot of women who deserve our support. A lot of intelligent, capable, imaginative and brave women are out there making the world a better place for all of us. (Go Hillary 2016! Woo!)

Unfortunately, there are also some women who are holding us back. These women don't deserve our support. In fact, they should be shunned from "The Sisterhood." Without further ado, my list of...

Bitches Who Gotta Go

Sarah Palin. She's like colitis. Every time you think it's gone, it surprises you and you almost shit your pants. The only people who won't understand why Sarah Palin is on this list are Palin supporters. So I'll explain why she has to go in a way they can understand. Because America.

Any woman who has twice defended known rapists on daytime TV, Whoopi. There is no such thing as "rape" rape. Which brings me to...

Every woman who has ever co-hosted The View. With all the in-fighting, constant backstage drama, ignorant observations and ever-changing cast, this show is basically The Real Housewives with current events or "Hot Topics," if you will. Which brings me to...

The Real Housewives of (Anywhere). First of all, if you have nannies, cooks, maids, one and sometimes multiple TV shows, you're not a housewife. I admit I've indulged in this show, but when I found myself caring about Kelsey Grammar's ex-wife's psychic, I lost a piece of my soul I'll never get back.

Women who wear ridiculous shoes they can't walk in and slow down the flow of pedestrian traffic while their ankles wobble over six-inch heels and cause me to miss the elevator. You don't look cute.

Women who say they have more guy friends because they don't really get along with women. These are women who have a desperate and pathetic need for all male attention and see every other woman as a potential threat that must be stopped. Avoid them at all costs. (The opposite is also true of men. Avoid any guy who has all female friends. This only applies to straight men. Gay men can have all the lady friends they want.)

Any woman under forty who is a grandmother and doesn't think there is anything weird about that.

Kardashians. The Internet belongs to all of us and you don't get to break it with your huge cartoonish ass. Jessica Rabbit is not a role model.

This idiot I used to work with who didn't know what time zone we're in and got mad at me because I laughed at her and for some reason thought, "I didn't finish high school," was a good way to defend herself. Probably because she didn't finish high school. Also, she was sleeping with her boss.

All of Donald Trump's wives. No further explanation needed.

Donald Trump, Marco Rubio, Ted Cruz and Ben Carson. They're not women, but they're all bitches.

Tangina. Not her real name and not the lady from the Poltergeist movies. You don't know her, but trust me she's evil and that bitch has gotta go.

(This list is subject to change anytime someone pisses me off.)

Namaste, Bitches


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