The self-proclaimed presumptive nominee of the Republican party, Donald J. Trump, said more weird shit during his victory speech on the most recent Super Tuesday. (Can we as a nation stop calling every Tuesday with more than one primary a Super Tuesday? Or at least let's give them subtitles like movie sequels – Super Tuesday II: White House Boogaloo.) If I understand Donnie correctly, admission of ovary possession in an election is akin to counting cards at a Blackjack table in one of his many fine casinos. This is The Donnie's actual quote: "I think the only card she has is the women's card. Frankly, if Hillary Clinton were a man, I don't think she would get 5% of the vote." What the hell kind of Rain Man bullshit...? Please excuse me while I write an open letter to Donald Trump.
Dear @realDonaldTrump,
Oh, it's on, motherfucker.
Best Wishes,
Donna Troy
P.S. If you were a man you wouldn't have pretty lady fingers. Speaking of pretty lady fingers, I have a pretty lady finger for you.
Trump could have a point about the "women's card." I doubt it, but he could. Hillary Clinton could be winning more votes because she's a woman. I don't know how she lost when she ran before because she was also a woman in 2008.
The first woman to run for President was Victoria Woodhull in 1872. I wish I could say I learned this in a history class. I can't. I learned this from my friend's Pinterest board. Victoria Woodhull didn't become President in 1872. She probably lost because she couldn't play the "women's card." Because women couldn't vote in 1872. She couldn't even vote for herself. Ain't that a bitch.
Roughly seventy-four women have run for President of the United States. Of those, only seventeen received thirty-thousand votes or more. I'll bet you didn't know that many women ran for President. I'll bet you can't name five. It's okay. I'll name them for you.
Despite having the "women's cards" in their pockets, all these women had as much chance of becoming President as I have of becoming President of Mexico. Luckily, Hillary Clinton doesn't need to play the "women's card" to beat Donald Trump for many reasons. I shall list some of those reasons now:
Trump is not-so-secretly pissing in his gold-plated tighty-whities at the idea of going up against Hillary Clinton. As well he should. Capable intelligent women won't engage in his bullshit the way the male Republican candidates did. (Marco Rubio, I'm looking at you.) He tried to pull those shenanigans with Carly Fiorina and got shut the fuck down like a student at Trump University trying to get an education.
Donnie only has a few cards left up his sleeve and they're deuces. He tried to pull what he believes is some sort of slick Jedi mind trick by suggesting Bernie Sanders run as an independent. Bernie Sanders isn't going to collude with Trump's transparent attempt to split the democratic vote in the general election. As the owner of the greatest casinos anywhere in the world, Donnie should know better than to show his hand. Especially when it's so small.
Donnie played the "women's card," not Hillary. And it was a stupid move. Every gambler knows that the secret to surviving is knowing what to throw away and knowing what to keep. 'Cuz every hand's a winner and every hand's a loser. We can read your poker face, Donnie. Now, Go Fish, Motherfucker.
Namaste, Bitches
Dear @realDonaldTrump,
Oh, it's on, motherfucker.
Best Wishes,
Donna Troy
P.S. If you were a man you wouldn't have pretty lady fingers. Speaking of pretty lady fingers, I have a pretty lady finger for you.
Trump could have a point about the "women's card." I doubt it, but he could. Hillary Clinton could be winning more votes because she's a woman. I don't know how she lost when she ran before because she was also a woman in 2008.
The first woman to run for President was Victoria Woodhull in 1872. I wish I could say I learned this in a history class. I can't. I learned this from my friend's Pinterest board. Victoria Woodhull didn't become President in 1872. She probably lost because she couldn't play the "women's card." Because women couldn't vote in 1872. She couldn't even vote for herself. Ain't that a bitch.
Roughly seventy-four women have run for President of the United States. Of those, only seventeen received thirty-thousand votes or more. I'll bet you didn't know that many women ran for President. I'll bet you can't name five. It's okay. I'll name them for you.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Despite having the "women's cards" in their pockets, all these women had as much chance of becoming President as I have of becoming President of Mexico. Luckily, Hillary Clinton doesn't need to play the "women's card" to beat Donald Trump for many reasons. I shall list some of those reasons now:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
Trump is not-so-secretly pissing in his gold-plated tighty-whities at the idea of going up against Hillary Clinton. As well he should. Capable intelligent women won't engage in his bullshit the way the male Republican candidates did. (Marco Rubio, I'm looking at you.) He tried to pull those shenanigans with Carly Fiorina and got shut the fuck down like a student at Trump University trying to get an education.
Donnie only has a few cards left up his sleeve and they're deuces. He tried to pull what he believes is some sort of slick Jedi mind trick by suggesting Bernie Sanders run as an independent. Bernie Sanders isn't going to collude with Trump's transparent attempt to split the democratic vote in the general election. As the owner of the greatest casinos anywhere in the world, Donnie should know better than to show his hand. Especially when it's so small.
Donnie played the "women's card," not Hillary. And it was a stupid move. Every gambler knows that the secret to surviving is knowing what to throw away and knowing what to keep. 'Cuz every hand's a winner and every hand's a loser. We can read your poker face, Donnie. Now, Go Fish, Motherfucker.
Namaste, Bitches