Tuesday, July 18, 2017

Watch Your Back, Bitch

From: Donald Trump Jr.
Sent: Tuesday, July 11, 2017 12:03 PM
To: Jared Kushner
Subject: Possible Russia Collusion? – email leaks - private and confidential 

Hey Bro. Have you spoken to my dad today? He's not returning my calls. I think he might be pissed about this email thing. No offense, bro but none of this would have happened if you didn't get your lawyers involved and start amending forms. You already had security clearance. Why muddy the water now? The meeting was private and confidential. That's why I specifically wrote private and confidential in the subject line. I literally don't know what else I could have done to keep this quiet. 

Here's what I'm thinking. We need Putin's people to get to work on the New York Times. Find out if they have anything else. If they do, the Russians will kill... the story. Lol. Love it.  I'm going to reach out to Goldstone to set up another meeting. It's perfect. No one would expect it now, especially with all the heat on us. It's the kind of proactive problem solving my father will appreciate. 

Get back to me as soon as you can and give me a heads up before you start blabbing about other meetings. Lol. Okay?


From: Jared Kushner
Sent: Tuesday, July 11, 2017 1:35 PM
To: Donald Trump Jr.
Subject: Re: Possible Russia Collusion? – email leaks - private and confidential

Hello Mr. Trump,

This is Jamie Gorelick, counsel for Jared Kushner. I have advised my client, Mr. Kushner, to avoid further contact with you. I must insist you cease all email communication immediately.

Any further questions or concerns should be directed to my office.

Your cooperation in this matter is greatly appreciated.

Jamie Gorelick

From: Donald Trump Jr.
Sent: Tuesday, July 11, 2017 1:55 PM
To: Jared Kushner
Subject: Re:Re: Possible Russia Collusion? – email leaks - private and confidential

Dude! WTF? I guess private and confidential is just a nothing burger to you. I need to speak with you, not your stupid woman lawyer. Man up, already.


From: Donald Trump Jr.
Sent: Tuesday, July 11, 2017 2:03 PM
To: Ivanka Trump
Subject: Your Stupid Husband - private and confidential

WTF is Jared's problem? All I did was ask him if he's spoken to Dad today and he sics his lawyer on me. I don't need his bullshit.

You need to remind him I'm running the company now. I know you both think your shit doesn't stink because you're working at the White House, but guess what? Dad won't be president forever. You better treat me right or I will run this company into the ground. Into. The. Ground.  

What are you going to do then? QVC won't even sell your bedazzled wallets. I can always go back to bar tending. I made good tips.


From: Ivanka Trump
Sent: Tuesday, July 11, 2017 2:57 PM
Subject: FW: Your Stupid Husband - private and confidential

Hi Daddy,

Don is being a real non-Ivanka today. You need to do something about this. We don't want him clouding our presidency.

He should get out in front of the story. Perhaps he should release a statement such as, “It was a real honor to welcome these heroes of Russian democracy.”

I welcome your thoughts.


Sent: Tuesday, July 11, 2017 4:09 PM
To: Ivanka Trump
Subject: Re:FW: Your Stupid Husband - private and confidential

I don't make mistakes, but sometimes I wonder if, perhaps, letting Don Jr. in the company was a mistake. But really, it was more like, it was his mistake. I sent him to the Wharton School of Business, one of the very, very best, maybe even the greatest business school in the country. He could have come right to work for me after he graduated, but instead, he chose to bar tend in Colorado. I said to him, I said, “Don, you'll never make it as a bartender. Bartenders are like, they're nothing. For a person to be a bartender, he lacks the imagination to be not poor. But if you're going to bar tend, you should do it in Manhattan.” And he was all like, “Dad, I want to do my own thing. I have friends in Colorado. I like it there and whatever.” And I was like, “Fine. Go. But you have to go by a different name. I can never be told that someone was served a drink by Donald Trump. It's very against the Trump brand. And don't use John Barron or John Miller because I'm already using those.” And this kid, I tell ya, he's got no imagination. He bar tends for a year under the name Donald Tromp. And I hear from people, this is what people are telling me, they say they went skiing in Colorado and they stopped at a bar and Don Jr. served them a gin and tonic. They tell me, they say he was a little heavy on the tonic and light on the gin. But they tip him anyway because he's my son. So, Donald Tromp is making money off my name. Could not believe it. A year later Don Jr. calls me and he's all like, “Dad, I hate bar tending. I'm broke all the time. I had to get a roommate and we can't afford a maid. I want to come work for you.” And I mean, this apartment, I've never been there, but people tell me it was a real dump. A total disaster. They would order pizzas and without a maid, there was no one to throw out the empty boxes. So they piled up until there was probably like seven thousand pizza boxes in one tiny penthouse apartment. So I let him come work for me and that was, maybe, not the right choice.

Okay, honey, I'll take care of him. You and Jared have nothing to worry about. Believe me. You know you're my favorite and Jared is like a son to me. In other words, Jared is an employee who is one hundred percent dependent on me. Which makes him very loyal.


Sent: Wednesday, July 12, 2017 4:48 AM
To: Donald Trump Jr.
Subject: #MAGA

Did you see the tweet I put out? I called you a “very high-quality person.” Did you see it?


From: Donald Trump Jr.
Sent: Wednesday, July 12, 2017 7:42 AM
Subject: Re: #MAGA – private and confidential

Dad, I've been trying to reach you for two days. What's going on? They're saying Jared and I could go to prison for this. You told me to take the meeting. I did this for you. I can't go to prison, right? I'm the president's son.


Sent: Wednesday, July 12, 2017 7:59 AM
To: Donald Trump, Jr.
Subject: Re:Re: #MAGA – private and confidential

First of all, son, you're being very rude, okay. I'm the president and that means I'm very, very busy. I'm in France meeting with President Le Macrone Depardieu. I emailed you three hours ago. What were you so busy doing at five o'clock in the morning that it took you so long to get back to me?

I don't want you to worry. There is no way I'm letting Jared go to prison, okay. If need be, we'll get him out of the country, possibly to Russia. I have friends there. Now, you may have to go to prison for a year, maybe five years or maybe less. I don't know. Definitely not more than five. What's five years? It's nothing, five years. You'll only be forty-five years old when you get out. You'd still have your whole life ahead of you. Look at me, I'm seventy and I just changed careers. I'm a politician now, if you can believe it. And I'll probably, perhaps, still be president when you get out because it looks like I'm going to win re-election in 2020. I've already started working on my 2020 campaign and the democrats, they don't even know who's running yet. Can't believe it, Don. Cannot believe it. People are saying my approval ratings are like nothing they've ever seen before. People are telling me this. I'm at thirty-six percent and I've only been in office, for like, six months. Thirty-six percent. That's more than a third, so it's more like, probably, half the country.

So, you'll do a little time. You'll come back and we'll put you to work. I'm not sure where yet. I mean, I'm guessing, we'll have to give your office at Trump Tower to whoever takes your place. And depending on how well that person does, I mean, five years is a long time. I can't make any promises, but we'll see what happens.

The important thing is, I have to distance myself from you and this whole Russia thing. And to be honest, this whole Russia thing is a hoax and we know that, but you really, you shouldn't have taken the meeting. I mean, you can say, it helped my campaign a lot, but then again, I probably would have won anyway.

You didn't answer my question. Did you see the tweet I put out? A high-quality person, that's what I called you. I mean that.


Namaste, Bitches


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