Sunday, February 10, 2019

Dear White Trash

In my last post I took a brave stance against blackface. I'm sure you're all thinking, “Wow, Donna, that was super badass of you. Taking a stand on civil rights in the year 2019. You're truly a trail blazer.” While I do try to be a ride or die kind of bitch, I have to admit I didn't expect any blow black on my blackface piece. At least not from people I know. Because I make it a point not to associate with people who are down with blackface. Imagine my surprise when I found myself in my first ever Facebook fight with someone I completely forgot existed.

I'm from West Virginia. My hometown has one stop light that is completely unnecessary. As far back as I can remember all I ever wanted was to get the fuck out of this one light town. In 1998 I got the fuck out. This brings us to the present. I've been writing this blog for three years. My sister has posted every piece on her Facebook page for the past three years. Person I Forgot Existed has never commented on any post, thus allowing me to continue forgetting her existence. That is, until my sister posted my brave stance against blackface. And Person I Forgot Existed lost her shit. The rest of this piece will be dedicated to mocking Person I Forgot Existed. Because she totally fucking asked for it.

Before I continue, however, I would like to point out that not everyone from my hometown is a useless piece of white trash shit. There are good, intelligent and compassionate people who don't deserve to be lumped in with the rest of them. For example, there is my sister, my mom, my dad, Tricia and Melanie. There are more than five good people, but in the interest of time I'm only giving shout outs to those I know read my blog.

During the entire twenty years I lived in my hometown the African American population was two. Despite only knowing two black people, who most everyone seemed to like, racism thrived. People tossed the N-word around with reckless abandon. It made no sense. Why such hatred for black people? They're not here. They can't be affecting your lives at all. Racists in cities with an African American population higher than two can at least make up dumbass excuses for their hatred. They claim black people are responsible for drugs, crime and lower property values. But Person I Forgot Existed can't even say that.

Here's a tip for spotting racists: Any white person who jumps at the chance to call black people racist is totally racist. Like this jackass I used to know got all worked up over BET. He was all like, “Tell me how that's not segregation to call it Black Entertainment Television.” So I told him. “I've seen white people on BET. People of all races are welcome to watch it.  Their target audience is black and that's perfectly okay. Because the target audience of most networks is white and you're perfectly okay with that.” And then he was all like, “But you couldn't have a network called White Entertainment Television.” And I said, “No, but we have a network called Country Music Television, which I think we both know is not-so-secret code for white people.” We haven't spoken since and I'm perfectly okay with that.

Remember how they tried to make honky a thing in the seventies as the white equivalent of the N-word. George Jefferson really pushed it hard, but it never landed. Because white people haven't suffered the pain of enduring centuries of enslavement, violence and oppression, the only people offended by the word honky were racist.

So this Honky I Forgot Existed went on a rambling diatribe proclaiming racism no longer exists. For real. 

She made one small concession to the existence of racism. And I quote, “I guess if you’re looking for it, then yes you can find it.”

My roommate, Dee Dee On The Street, has requested I respond with her favorite Malcolm X quote:

“We didn't land on Plymouth Rock. Plymouth Rock landed on us.” (Note to the reader: You should shout that out loud when you read it, then slam your fist on a table or other flat service in your vicinity.)

I shall try to sum up the long-winded rant from Person I Forgot Existed. It seems by acknowledging racism I am “sowing the seeds of discord” when I should be calling for unity.

Because I've read more than one book in my life, I'm aware of another call for unity. On April 12, 1963, eight white clergy men in Birmingham, Alabama wrote an open letter entitled, A Call For Unity. In the letter, they took issue with civil rights demonstrations "directed and led in part by outsiders." The term “outsider” was a thinly veiled reference to Martin Luther King, Jr. And as we all know these white Christian leaders totally solved racism and Martin Luther King recently celebrated his ninetieth birthday. And February is Black History Month to honor those courageous white men.

Anyway, Person I Forgot Existed claims racism has been eradicated because she attends a multi-cultural church. And by simply ignoring racism it went away. I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to a middle-aged woman that ignoring problems won't make them go away. I've spent twenty years ignoring white trash and they came for me with a resentful vengeance because I dared to declare my staunch animosity for blackface.

Now please excuse me while I write an open letter to Person I Forgot Existed.

Dear Sanctimonious Cunt I Forgot Existed,

Bitch, you don't score bonus Jesus points because your church isn't whites only. I'm not sure why you think it's admirable of you to mix with the other races every Sunday from nine to ten, but no.

I don't know why you felt the need to jump on my sister's timeline and bore us all with your self-proclaimed virtue. This was about the current racist scandal in the Virginia government, which directly affects the lives of millions of citizens. This song ain't about you, Bitch.

Although, please indulge me while I share some lyrics from a song that is about you, I'm Not Racist by Joyner Lucas.

“I'm not racist, my sister's boyfriend's black
 I'm not racist, my sister-in-law's baby cousin Tracy
 Got a brother and his girlfriend's black”

"The lady doth protest too much, methinks." That's from Hamlet, which I'm sure you've never read.

I see from your Facebook timeline you spent the entire Obama administration referring to him as B. HUSSEIN Obama. And calling him an amoral Muslim. And posting memes for the sole purpose of “pissing off liberal democrats.” Your exemplary public display of strong Christian values is truly beyond reproach. Also, memes aren't a credible source of information. It's weird you don't that.

President Obama didn't choose his own name. There were many people named Adolph before Hitler rose to power. Their names say nothing of their character. Purposely distorting someone's name in a derogatory manner says a lot about your character, though.

Also, President Obama is not Muslim. But it shouldn't matter if he were Muslim. Again, I shouldn't have to explain this to a person your age. There are some bad Muslims, but they don't define all people of the Muslim faith. If I were to judge all Christians by the standard you've set, I would have to assume all Christians are unconscionable cretins.

Please indulge me while I share more lyrics from I'm Not Racist by Joyner Lucas.

“You hated President Obama, I know that's a fact
 You couldn't wait to get him out and put a cracker back
 And then you gave us Donald Trump and now it's payback for that
 I'm not racist, I never lied
 But I know there's a disconnect between your culture and mine”

As you have publicly denied the existence of racism, I banish you to the Land of People I Forgot Existed. I dub thee an unperson. That is from the book Nineteen Eighty-Four by George Orwell, which I'm sure you've never read.

Defending blackface is inexcusable, indefensible and stupid. And posting your defense of blackface on my sister's timeline was epically stupid. You know her. You had to know this wouldn't end well for you.

My sister and I recently did 23andMe DNA tests. Our results came back 100% Bitch. You'd be wise to remember that, you Cracker-Ass Cracker.

Warm Wishes,
Donna Troy

Namaste, Bitches


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