I saw a meme once which read something
like, “Once you hate a person, everything they do annoys you.
Look at the bitch over there eating crackers like she owns the
place.” I didn’t watch The State of The Union the night it
aired because I had a horrible migraine and I didn’t feel like
watching that bitch eat crackers like he owns the place.
I
turned on the news after The State of The Union and was tempted to go
online and watch it after I saw Nancy Pelosi tear up the speech like
a total boss bitch. However, my head still hurt and nine out of ten
doctors agree that prolonged exposure to Donald Trump can cause
headaches, dizziness and nausea.
The
previous day I relayed the breaking news of Rush Limbaugh’s
terminal lung cancer to my roommate, Dee Dee On The Street. And she
said, “That’s because God don’t like ugly. And if you don’t
believe in God, karma’s a bitch. And if you don’t believe in
karma, no matter how you slice the pie, bitch gonna get cut.”
During
the SOTU, Trump bestowed the Presidential Medal of Freedom unto Rush
Limbaugh. Now I gotta cut a bitch.
It
may seem cold to unleash my wrath upon a man who is terminally ill.
But whenever someone dies people always regret not telling the person
how they felt about them when they were alive. And I’ve been living
with that deep regret for three years. Yes, three years ago on this
very blog site I told Roger Ailes that I was coming for him. And
sadly, Ailes died in a freak shower accident before I had a chance to
slay that motherfucker.
Every
day since then I’ve second guessed my decision to delay unleashing
my wrath upon Roger Ailes. The election was happening and it consumed
my every blog. I thought there would be more time. Perhaps, I should
have known Roger Ailes was incapable of showering properly. He was a
filthy motherfucker after all. He’d probably spent three decades
forcing blonde sleeveless Fox News “reporters” to sponge him off
in his office.
But
alas, it doesn’t matter. For he is dead and I will never get the
chance to tell the filthy motherfucker how much contempt I hold in my
heart for him. Because of this I have vowed not to let Rush Limbaugh
die without telling him how much of a repugnant piece of shit I think
he is.
You
may be asking, “Donna, what makes you think Rush Limbaugh will even
read your blog?” To that I say, he probably won’t. However, the
Internet is a mysterious and wondrous place. I’ve never tagged
Scott Baio in a tweet, nor commented on any tweet he’s posted. Yet,
Scott Baio has blocked me on Twitter. Of course, I have mercilessly
ridiculed him and called him a pedophile in my blogs and on Twitter.
So it’s not surprising that he wouldn’t want to read something
I’ve written. I do find it surprising that he may have actually
read something I’ve written.
Now
please excuse me while I write an open letter to Scott Baio.
Dear
Chachi,
Dude,
I have more than one Twitter account.
You
can run, but you can’t hide.
Kind
Regards,
Donna
Troy
Knowing
that I got under Chachi’s skin means I will have no regrets when he
dies. That motherfucker can drop dead at any time and I’ll be fine.
Which is all that really matters.
As
you may know, it is common practice for media outlets to produce
obituaries of notable public figures in advance. Though it has been
my practice to accuse Donald Trump of murdering such notables in lieu
of writing obituaries, I have chosen to make an exception in
Limbaugh’s case.
My
fellow Americans, blog followers and Rush Limbaugh, please enjoy the
following:
Rush
Limbaugh Dies – The Weary World Rejoices
December
24, 2020
Conservative
radio host Rush Limbaugh died today. Idiots around the nation are
mourning the loss of the man they called, “The Voice of the
Willfully Ignorant.” The smarter parts of the nation are rejoicing
as the title suggests.
President-Elect
Donna Troy, whose name is being used as a place holder until a clear
democratic front runner emerges, stated that one of her first
official acts will be to rescind the Presidential Medal of Freedom
awarded to Limbaugh. “It’s an insult to all other recipients.
Rush Limbaugh will not be included along side such meritorious
examples
of humanity as Mother Teresa, Maya Angelou, Helen Keller and Mister
Rogers or my name’s not Donna Troy.”
Born
somewhere in nineteen fifty-something, young Rush dreamed of becoming
a TV star like his idol, the chimp from the Today Show. Despite
either the inability or unwillingness to read, Rush managed to barely
graduate high school. He then set off to fulfill his dream of working
in television, but his dream was quickly dashed. In
a world where Donald Trump would
one day become
the
host of a hit TV show, Limbaugh was deemed too
ugly and unlikable for TV.
Limbaugh
swore he would devote the rest of his life to exacting revenge upon
the mainstream
media. This dream would not see fruition either as the mainstream
media treated him as a joke until the day he died and will most
likely continue to do so long after his death.
With
a TV career no longer a viable option, Rush followed in the footsteps
of
such
ugly
unlikable men as Howard Stern and Don Imus, and turned to radio. It
was in radio where Rush found his voice. It was the voice of the
loud, obnoxious, inebriated uncle everyone desperately tries to avoid
at Thanksgiving. He
quickly amassed a following of loud, obnoxious, inebriated uncles
being desperately avoided by their families.
Throughout
his disreputable career, Limbaugh made a name for himself by making
bold statements that have been deemed ugly and unlikable.
He
once stated "the
NFL all too often looks like a game between the Bloods
and the Crips
without any weapons." In
an unprecedented move the Bloods and the Crips released a joint
statement in response. “We find the words of Rush Limbaugh to be
irresponsible, reprehensible and overtly racist. He is nothing more
than a school yard bully who never grew up and his comments should
not be given any credence.”
The
joint statement from the rival gangs was especially surprising as it
has been reported no
one
in either gang had even heard of Rush Limbaugh prior to this event.
It is believed they heard the news from a neighbor who told them,
“Yo, some old white dude’s been talking some shit.”
Limbaugh
outraged women everywhere when he dismissed the concept of sexual
consent. Limbaugh defended his comments by saying, “No woman has
ever said yes to me and I’m not a virgin. So there you go.”
Limbaugh
was also a vocal critic of feminism stating that feminism "was
established so as to allow unattractive women easier access to the
mainstream of society." Much
the same way radio was established so as
to
allow unattractive men easier access to the mainstream of society.
He
was an outspoken critic of the scientific consensus on climate
change, calling it "just
a bunch of scientists.” In
fact,
it was his reluctance to believe in science which ultimately led to
his untimely death. Limbaugh’s doctors advised him years ago he
would live longer if he exercised, ate better, and stopped doing
drugs and having unprotected rape, but he refused to heed their
warnings.
In
October 2006, Limbaugh said Michael J. Fox had exaggerated
the effects of his Parkinson’s
Disease
in an
advertisement advocating for funding of stem
cell research. Limbaugh said that Fox had been "shameless"
in "moving all around and shaking." It is believed Limbaugh
was simply jealous because Fox had been deemed attractive and likable
enough to have a TV career.
When
reached for comment, Fox replied,
On
October 5, 1995, Limbaugh stated, "too many whites are getting
away with drug use." He
further stated "Drug use, some might say, is destroying this
country... And so if people are violating the law by doing drugs,
they ought to be accused and they ought to be convicted and they
ought to be sent up."
In
October, 2003, Limbaugh
was investigated for illegally obtaining oxycodone
and hydrocodone.
On his radio show, Limbaugh admitted to illegally obtaining the drugs
and being a straight up addict. He was never charged with a crime.
This prompted many in the mainstream media to comment, “too many
whites are getting away with drug use.”
In
June 2006, Limbaugh was detained at an airport when customs officials
found Viagra in his luggage. The prescription was not
in Limbaugh’s name. Drug officials found this perplexing as it is
not difficult to obtain a Viagra prescription, prompting one officer
to say to Limbaugh, “Dude, how limp is your dick if a doctor looked
at it and declared it a lost cause?”
Namaste,
Bitches
